Return of the Mac
Many of the sights, smells and customs of England’s capital city will have bamboozled, befuddled and bemused many of the world’s poker players as they holed up in London over World Series of Poker week, particularly if they’re first-timers—Fish & chips, bobbies on the beat, Golf Sales, high-pitched London Lite sellers—but none more so than the various English eccentrics that have become a mainstay of this country.
So step forward John McCririck, the face of Channel 4 (Horse) Racing on British TV for over 20 years—pundit, gambler, former bookie and poker player. The trademark twin gold watches and deerstalker are topped off by 2 of the most outrageous sideburns ever committed to skin and the hands are in a permanent state of motion as he dishes out odds on the various races at Kempton, Ascot and Epsom. ‘Mac’ hit the ‘big time’ and the papers in 2005 when he was one of the stars of Celebrity Big Brother. His sexist tirades, general grumpiness and clashes with the other housemates were car-crash telly of the highest order. It became a staple of night-time TV to see Mac parading up and down in nothing more than a large pair of white pants berating Big Brother for denying him his ration of Diet Coke.
Once described as having ‘the charm of an armpit’, John is nevertheless one of the iconic celebrity figures in the UK. So it was a genuine pleasure (or in some eyes, an absolute nightmare) to spot Mac gracing the baize at the WSOPE this week, sitting across the table at The Sportsman in the £10,000 main event from Dave ‘Devilfish’ Ulliott, another quirk of English nature. So how was Mac enjoying his first WSOP?
“Oh, it’s fantastic. To play in the World Series is superb. I’m nearly gone though. You know all snooker players have their nom-de- plumes, don’t they? Alex ‘Hurricane’ Higgins etc. Well, I’m John ‘Loser’ McCririck.”
This is a typically self-deprecating assessment from the man. When I ask him about his career in racing, how long does he think he can go on? “As long as there’s betting in it, why not? There aren’t many people who can claim to be a failed pundit, a failed bookmaker, a failed journalist and a failed punter.”
From a wealthy background and Harrow school education, Mac started out as a bookie’s assistant. Then came a spell at the Sporting Life newspaper which saw him win an award for the Scoop of the Year. Hardly what one would describe as a ‘failure’. So if the racing and journalism haven’t proven to be ‘successes’, perhaps a new career in poker beckons.
“Players love to see me at the tables so that they can take me on. There you go, John ‘Loser’ McCririck again! The great thing about poker is that in the old days, the only things you could bet on were the horses, dogs or the football coupons, now you can play poker 24 hours a day. You’re not relying on a jockey, a boxer, a footballer or whoever, because in poker, you are responsible. You win, you lose, you are responsible—that’s why poker is exploding.” Although, if Mac’s thinking of a career as an internet poker player, maybe he should begin by learning to use the internet. “I don’t play online at all. I’ve never seen the internet before in my life, let alone play on it. It’s embarrassing. I like TV poker though, it makes for great telly.”
Poker’s an inclusive game too, I suggest. “Of course, anyone can play it. You can’t get in a car and race Lewis Hamilton, you can’t go and play golf with Tiger Woods, but in poker, anyone can sit down and play. You might lose, but you can play! Fat or thin, young or old, everyone can play.”
I’m waiting for the social group John really thinks should be excluded, and he’s not long in forthcoming.
“I think it’s an absolute disgrace that they have women’s only tournaments. There’s no question of physical strength like in athletics or boxing–with poker, there are no physical reasons, it’s purely an indulgence on women’s part.”
For a brief second, I sense a ‘women’s equality’ moment coming out, but I’m disappointed.
“The fact is that they haven’t got the brains for poker because they can’t bluff it out. OK a few can, Annie Duke’s here of course. There are a few good women players, Victoria Coren for example, but the vast majority of women players are ‘safety players’–they play aces or kings and that’s it. The women show themselves up by having women only tournaments.
But, I argue, isn’t it the case that women’s only tournaments are organised by men who think that women want to play just among themselves?
“Well, women should revolt against it. Imagine the howls and screams if ‘Men Only’ tournaments were announced. Poker is a game for everyone–fat and thin, young and old, male or female. Next there’ll be having ‘Blondes Only’ tournaments, and ‘Girls-With- Big-Breasts Only’ tournaments. I’ll be the referee on that one.”
It’s this brazen and quite public sexism that’s part of what makes John such an extraordinary character. I briefly wonder whether (as many people have suggested) that it’s all an act for the cameras— this old-fashioned buffoon playing up for the public. But talking to him, I begin to doubt it–I think he really does believe what he says.
Maybe poker would have made his time on Celebrity Big Brother better, an experience which John describes as being “absolutely awful”.
“That [poker] would have made it a lot more interesting, but then everyone would have just gone off playing poker. You weren’t allowed anything in there–no pens, no papers, no books. If we had cards, you would have just seen 2 weeks of gambling.
“The only reason I went in was because I was the only person in there determined to lose. As long as you don’t walk out that’s the main thing. So I stayed and just wound up the housemates and the public loathed me anyway–it was a pantomime.”
With the gambling scene in the UK changing all the time, Mac seems even more like a relic from the past. Opinionated as ever, he has plenty to say about the newly-introduced Gambling Act, which came in in September.
“It’s a disgrace. Of course gambling needs supervision, with money laundering and the rest, but even in Vegas they’re more relaxed than we are. I’m all for 10,000 casinos to open in the UK, but only as long as the locals agree to it. I think there should be a Las Vegas in Cornwall. Can you imagine that? Right on the coast, with sea views and all the rest–marvellous. Build the Bellagios and see if people want it. Of course there’s trouble with compulsive gamblers, but that argument’s gone with the internet. But the benefits are enormous for local economies. There’ll always be a handful of people who’ll ruin themselves but they can do that anyway with the internet. If no-one goes in the casinos, then tear them down. Set the people free, let them do what they want to do. Don’t moralise.”
Sadly, the WSOPE sets John free as he’s eliminated shortly after the break. Soon after the WSOPE, Mac was kicked off a chat show in England for insulting one of the guests (the ex-wife of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire host Chris Tarrant). Outrageous, outspoken, a caricature. All of these things and more–but always a legend.
Words of Wisdom from Mac
‘Always marry beneath you.’
‘I have an inability to forgive. That’s why I’ve got so few friends.’
‘Be proud to be a farter.’
‘Always go with the ugly ones. They’re grateful for what they get.’
‘Picking your nose—which I do all the time—is really good for you.’
‘Liverpool is a cancer on the face of England.’
At Aintree, where he had to be given police protection.
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